Tuesday, November 6, 2012

...A Nissan Altima

I do not drive an Altima. No, I drive a 2000 Mitsubishi Mirage named Theodore.

Here's the thing about Theo... He's an ass.

I bought this car in 2006, and it was (well, IS) my first car. Having it for 6 years is indeed impressive, but there are so many things wrong with the car that it's obnoxious. Aside from actually breaking down on the side of the highway *fingers crossed* everything that could have broke, has in fact broke.

A week before I left for vacation back in 2009, I had to get a new battery. Not a big deal. Expensive, but not an off-the-wall thing to happen to a car, especially one that was at the time 9 years old. Anyway, I took care of that, only to find out that replacing a battery apparently causes the radio to go into a sort of lockdown. It was asking me for a security code, which I didn't know. Even searching through all the paperwork I have for that car didn't provide me with the code. So, I figured I could call the dealership and they would give it to me.


They were going to charge SIXTY DOLLARS just to tell me the code. Ummm, no. Needless to say, 3 years have passed and I still don't have a radio in my car. I refuse to pay $60 for them to punch in a four digit code.

Things like the radio are precisely why this damn car is so irritating. The weirdest things keep happening! For example, I had to get 4 brand new tires because they all had slow leaks and were low on tread. Pretty standard maintenance procedure for a car, so again no big deal. Well, while my car was at the garage, one of my hubcaps committed suicide. The garage dude told me that when he took it off, the hubcap just completely shattered. I dunno, I guess it was embarrassed to be associated with a shitty Mitsubishi Mirage. Poor hubcap, I hope he's in a happier place. In a hubcap heaven full of Corvettes and Porsches.

But adding insult to the tire injury, less than a year later, one of those brand new tires had to be replaced. It was wintertime and my car had been parked outside the whole night. When I went out to warm it up, I noticed that one of the tires had a HUGE hole in it. I have absolutely no idea how it happened, but I believe my reaction included some display of my colorful and quite impressive language skills.

The list for other abnormalities with Theodore is enormous, and it ranges from somewhat ordinary to absolutely ridiculous: The driver side window sticks, the back window only defrosts halfway, the breaks squeak, the alignment is so off that I get pulled all over the road, the windows only defrost after the interior fogs up to the point of blindness, the check engine light goes on and off, the key doesn't turn in the lock, the windshield wiper fluid doesn't come out on the driver side even though I've had it check for clogs...

I could go on and on with this list! Oh you don't believe me? Okay,challenge accepted: The interior light only works when I open the passenger side door, turning to the right rubs the wheel on something but only sporadically, the engine idles violently when it's in park, the whole car takes on a high-pitched whine if it's been raining outside, and the tires squeal and don't grip the road when I turn out of any parking lot that happens to be on a hill, wet or dry.

The depressing thing is I am not exaggerating on any of this. Mitch and my family are all witnesses to the madness. AND all these little problems don't include the various large projects that HAD to be done and, not to mention, cost a lot of money. I live paycheck to paycheck as it is without all the car drama. Which means getting a new car isn't a feasible option. I don't have the money to get even the big things fixed, like the catalytic converter that needs to be replaced. The guys at the garage actually suggested that I just drive the car until it dies without fixing anything. They said it wasn't worth pumping anymore money into it.

Mitch and I decided that I should use my car only for going to work and grocery shopping. If I do need to do anything else that requires a lot of driving, we use his car and do it together on the weekend. This has been working well so far. Not an ideal situation, but it's not too bad.

The problem that arose today was that I had to drive about 45 minutes to St. Louis for a work training. Oh boy. I really didn't want to take Theo out on such a grand adventure, especially on a rainy day like today. Luckily, Mitch is super awesome and works nights, so I got to take his car. Mitch drives a gorgeous 2010 Nissan Altima. I love it and I'm going to steal it. It has tinted windows and a working radio (!), is entirely keyless, and it's in perfect working order. I feel so awesome when I drive this beauty. I totally geek out! There are radio controls ON THE STEERING WHEEL! Woahs. Exciting stuff for Katie.

I said this blog would be about simple pleasures. Today's post delivers just that because sometimes happiness is something as trivial as borrowing your boyfriend's car. But let's be fair, it's a totally kick ass car! ;)

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